Hello Diary

Explaining my goal for myself and this blog, and the reasoning why I'm sharing my texts via the Pink Little Diary

I am an international student, studying in Wales. However, on my student visa, I am not allowed to publish my work. Or write for money. I am able to write for a blog as self-expression. So, I shall put all my thoughts and texts here and hopefully one day I will be able to publish them. But until that day, I’ll treat my Pink Little Diary as my own publication. 

A very exclusive publisher, only sharing the work of the new and upcoming writer Ren Feldy which is totally amazing and hopefully relatable.

I am not sure what I want my future job to be if I’m honest. Currently, I’m a cleaner. I do enjoy it, as I do enjoy cleaning. I don’t work much, two days a week. Not enough for me to live off or anything. Just something so I actually have money going into my account. I’m afraid if I get another job I will be stretching myself too thin. I already started a volunteer project for my Uni along with being the international student officer. 

I often bite off more than I can chew. My Grandmother's voice plays in my head ‘busy hands keeps the devil away’ I didn’t know what that meant when I was younger. But, now that I am older, I understand her words. If I’m so busy, if I just keep moving, then I don’t have time to stop and think about my thoughts, about the imposter syndrome, the depression but, the anxiety always gets in. 

Also, the philosophy has caused me to have insomnia. I lay down, my body aching from the day I had, and all I can do is worry. That I’m not doing enough, that I’m not helping the community, that my life holds no purpose. 

Summer is surrounding me, currently, I feel so drained. I can’t stop though. I feel like I waste a day if I just sit. My goal in life is to have a positive outcome in my community. That the people I live around enjoy my company and are grateful that I live among them. And I hope that officially, at the ripe age of 20, I am walking towards that life.